Restraining Order: The Basics

Remember that book All I need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten? It’s a nice sentiment, but the truth is that life goes on and sometimes we have to learn things we never wanted to learn. The other fact of the matter is that not everyone learned those basic human skills, compassion and respect, or maybe they got lost along the way. I will keep it simple, though. These are the fact, the basics to start building your understanding of restraining orders. I hope it helps. Feel free to raise a hand in the comments and I will do my best to answer your questions.

Commonly known as a Restraining Order, what you are actually after is something called an Order of Protection. There are three types of Orders of Protection: The Emergency Order of Protection (EOP), the Plenary Order of Protection and the Interim Order of Protection. If your experience is anything like mine, you have been dealing with this for a while. I consider myself a very strong person and maybe that gets in my own way from time to time. My mother calls it stubborn. I call it me. I dealt with a lot before seriously considering legal proceedings. Not only in part because that doesn’t sound fun and I don’t have the time or money. I will get into that more in future posts. The likelihood is (and I am guessing) if you are looking for this information online, something else has just happened. To others it may seem like a very small thing, but built upon your entire experience, it is the straw and you are the camel. If this were a Choose Your Own Adventure book, I would tell you to skip straight to the Emergency Order of Protection. Also, do not stew or wait or pass go. Here is what I mean:

The EOP lasts for only 2–3 weeks. It is meant to serve you as you wait for a Plenary Order. I have to be honest. I watched several people attempt to get this while sitting in the court room and waiting my opportunity to plead my case. They were all denied for just the reason I believed I would also fail. My attorney had advised me of this. It actually played out in an honest, but terrifying ultimatum. It had taken me a while to contact someone who could point me in the direction of any attorney, wait to hear back from her, call on the day they were accepting new clients and wait to hear back from them. In all, it was about two weeks. The representative who called me explained that I was right on the cusp of being granted an EOP. I may have waited too long since the most recent incident. This was the question he asked, “Do you feel safe if you are not granted protection, but he is notified that you are applying for an Order of Protection against him?” That is what would happen. If the EOP is not granted, you will be put in line for a Plenary Order. Then the person you are seeking the order against will be served with that information. During this time you have no real recourse. *deep breath* You make the decision that is right for you. I had a minor fit of rage, said NO, then answered that I would rather move forward and hope for the best than wait for the next thing. That is the other option. You wait until something else happens, then immediately file for an EOP. If you are in that moment right now. Go now. I was granted my EOP, because someone had contacted me on Facebook on his behalf. She (yes she) said that he wanted her to reach out to me and make sure I didn’t do anything after he had shown up yet again. This was considered Third Party Contact and granted me the protection I was looking for.

Once you have applied for the EOP, you will have another court date set for the Plenary Order. This one lasts for a maximum of two years. I understand it used to be three, but has recently been reduced to two years. In order to achieve this, the person you are filing against has to have been served. Once they are served, they are requested to show at court on a specific day. This is a very confusing and concerning point of the process. The exact thing that you are protected against is the exact thing that they are asking to happen. You will be in the same room with the person who is being ordered to stay away from you. It is a serious flaw. Be prepared. When they arrive at court, they are asked whether they accept the terms or choose to argue them. If they argue, you will likely get another court date to plead both sides and will see this person yet again. Honestly, I am not entirely sure, because this is not what happened for me, but that is my understanding. If they do not show to court after being served, the system will default to you winning the order.

The final possibility is the Interim Order of Protection. I thought I was going to be saddled with this one as well. If your experience is anything like mine, I had no idea where he was living, or if he even had an address. I did some research and reached out to people I thought might know. I was able to give my best guess when applying for the EOP. Apparently it was incorrect. They are supposed to attempt to serve the order within 24–48 hours. This is considered the most dangerous time, as some people react poorly. You will be contacted when they are served. I heard nothing. If you have no address, go to google. Use the online White Pages. You will find something. You must have some address to write on the form when you are applying. I was eventually able to serve my stalker when he returned several more times to my place of work, which was listed on my EOP as a place he could not be. More on this also later. The Interim Order is there to give you an extension if the stalker cannot be found and has not been served by the court date set for the Plenary Order. This gives you a 30 day extension. As far as I can tell, if the order is not served by then, all is expired and you must start over from the beginning. I’m sorry.

I hope this is a helpful introduction to explain some of the madness you are dealing with and put it in order at least a little bit. Think it over. Do something for you. I am going to see my friend’s band play and dance with my best gal. Last time I did that, he showed up. I will be carrying my paperwork and focusing on the beat, feeling it in my heart, and knowing that the paper in my pocket is there if I need it. I invite you to dance.